We’ve all felt the power of shame. For me, feeling like I am failing my wife or losing my temper with my kids triggers shame. Sometimes, our past errors trigger shame. While other times, our unhealthy souls interpret rejection or disapproval from those we admire as shame.

Discerning the Difference

A decade ago, my pastor shared a simple chart with me titled “Discerning God’s Voice.” The chart had two columns. One column included a list titled “My Shame.”

According to the chart, our shame rushes, frightens, confuses, and condemns us.

The shame we feel over our past twists the guilt we should feel for doing something wrong and turns it into paralyzing shame. Our enemy uses this shame to convince us that God no longer loves us because we are unworthy. We need to repent for our wrong behavior, but we don’t need to be consumed by shame over it.

In Ephesians 2, the Apostle Paul describes our true condition in our sin. “All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature.” Immediately, though, Paul introduces the good news with two beautiful words – “But God.”

“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead.” Ephesians 2 teaches us that what Jesus did is greater than what we’ve done in the past and the shame we feel for it. That shame is normal – even Paul struggled, writing, “When I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.”

The Hope For Our Past and Our Shame

In Romans 8:1, Paul offers the most hopeful verse for those struggling with shame. “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”

If you have put your faith and trust in Jesus, receiving His forgiveness, you’re no longer under condemnation, and the power of your shame has met its match in Jesus. If you belong to Jesus, there is one simple test to discern the difference between God’s voice and shame’s voice.

Is the voice convicting you or condemning you?

God convicts us of our sin, while shame condemns us for our sin. Conviction is intended to lead us to repentance and reconciliation with God, but condemnation is intended to lead us to despair and distance from God.

Shame wants to convince you that you’re still who you were in the past. But God no longer sees who you used to be; He now sees who you are in Christ. Because Jesus is greater than your sin and your shame, you are no longer defined by anything other than who Jesus says you are.

Paul wrote some powerful words in 1 Corinthians 6 (after listing several heinous sins). “Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy.”

Tuning into God’s Voice Instead

Jesus is greater than your shame, and his voice sounds very different.

While the voice of shame is destructive and disorienting, God’s voice heals and reorients us. The other half of the Discerning God’s Voice card my pastor gave me described what His voice sounds like.

God’s voice stills, leads, reassures, and convicts us.

Changing our relationship with shame is not easy and requires patience. These simple steps help us to keep moving forward.

1. Rehearse your identity from Jesus’ perspective. Tuning into who God says we are is one of the best ways to tune out who shame says we are. I recently launched a new resource to help you claim and develop your identity in Christ.

2. Test the voices you hear to determine if they’re the voice of God or the voice of shame. This chart provides a straightforward framework to help you tune in to God’s voice. (You can save it and print it for future reference.)

3. Memorize Bible verses, such as Romans 8:1, which remind you of who God says you are and His victory over shame. Opportunities to embrace shame are coming for us. We can get ready in advance by planting God’s truth in our hearts.

 

Evict These Voices From Your Life

“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” —Maurice Clarett

I discovered this quote several years ago while watching ESPN’s 30 for 30 documentary “Youngstown Boys” about Maurice Clarett, the former Ohio State running back. Clarett’s path became a cautionary tale, and when speaking to prison inmates, he shared the hard-earned wisdom he had gained from his downfall.

He’s right. The voices we listen to shape our future.

My Battle With Toxic People

During my battle with cynicism in my mid-20s, I voraciously read voices that critiqued the modern church. While my church had some real issues and I had experienced deep pain, my reading choices made things worse. These authors spent more time deconstructing what was broken than building a vision for what could be.

I realized I needed to renegotiate my relationship with these voices if I was going to rediscover healthy thinking. I also needed to tune into what God said about me in a new way.

Too many of us are frivolous when it comes to the voices we empower. We’re passive, letting any voice we encounter in. We act powerless when we have the power to filter and tune out the destructive ones.

If every voice influences our future (and not all are healthy), then we need to be intentional about who gets access to our minds. Here are three types of voices that need to be evicted.

3 Voices That Need to Be Evicted in Your Life

1. Kick out voices who lack wisdom but overflow with arrogance.

The Bible tells the story of King Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12. He who chose the advice of young, inexperienced peers over that of his father, Solomon’s seasoned advisors. The result? The kingdom was torn in two—ten tribes seceded with rebel Jeroboam, leaving Rehoboam with only two tribes.

Lack of experience wasn’t the problem—we all start somewhere after all! However, inexperience laced with arrogance? That’s toxic.

Leadership expert John Maxwell says we become the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. If those five people are arrogant, bitter, cynical, or reckless, we’ll likely become that way too.

2. Kick out fear-driven voices.

Numbers 13 illustrates how fear influences decision-making. Twelve spies scouted the Promised Land. All saw the same thing, but ten responded with fear while two responded with hope. Ten focused on obstacles; two saw God’s coming victories.

Fear-driven voices always find what’s wrong and play out worst-case scenarios. When you regularly consume fear-driven content, you’ll be driven by fear yourself.

How much cable news do you watch? How many hours of fear-based talk radio do you consume? What anxiety-inducing accounts do you follow on social media?

If you constantly listen to fear-driven voices, you’ll struggle to live with hope and courage.

3. Kick out voices that only tear down and never build up.

The book of Nehemiah tells of a construction project to rebuild Jerusalem’s walls. Two men, Sanballat and Tobiah, did everything possible to depress, intimidate, and deter the workers from their mission. Nehemiah had to ignore those voices to complete his project.

We must be cautious around individuals who consistently tear others down. If they’re constantly criticizing everyone else, you’re likely the subject of conversation when you’re not around. Eventually, those voices will turn on you, too.

I once stopped communicating with someone because he was always the bearer of bad news about me. Nothing I did was ever good enough for him.

I’ve blocked people on social media because I’m tired of their toxic negativity. They never bring good news or hopeful perspectives. It’s always a funeral, never a party with them.

We don’t need sycophants who only tell us what we want to hear, but constant critics are equally unhelpful.

You Have More Agency Than You Realize

As you begin to realize the extent of negative voices in your life, I hope you recognize your agency to control the flow of voices into your thoughts and mind. While we often need help dealing with abusive voices that demean and destroy us, we can take meaningful steps to remove the power those voices have over our future.

The voices we empower today will determine who we become tomorrow. It’s time to be intentional about who gets the megaphone in your life.

Do you know who you need to evict from your mental space? What fear-driven content do you need to stop consuming? Which relationships need healthier boundaries?

Your future self is counting on the decisions you make today about the voices you allow to influence your tomorrow.

Next week, I’ll share the flip side: the three voices that deserve a megaphone in your life.

Thanks for reading.

-Scott

P.S. – Today (June 10) is my birthday. As I prepare to send you this email, I recommit to being a life-giving and hope-filled presence in your life. It’s an honor that you allow me into your inbox – what an incredible gift you give me!

 

The $300 million Mistake You Could Be Making

Mike Tyson had a meteoric rise to fame, supported by an incredible team including a coach, cornermen, cutmen, manager, adviser, and promoter.​ Tyson became the world heavyweight champion at the age of 20, but his social circle immediately changed. Fame brought new people who replaced his longtime team, especially those who knew him best and told him the hard truths.

By the time he hit rock bottom, Tyson had lost over $300 million. A boxing industry insider once told my father, “He would’ve never lost all that money if he kept the friends and team who got him his first heavyweight title. They would’ve held his feet to the ground and kept him accountable.”

The Foundation: Why Voices Matter

Earlier this month, I discussed the distinction between God’s voice and the voice of the enemy. Last week, I shared about three voices you need to evict from your life. Today, I want to share with you about the voices that deserve the megaphone in your life. (At the end of this email, I’ll share a link to a mega-post which includes all three of these emails in one place.)​

Before we identify the right voices to empower, though, we need to understand some foundational principles:

• Destructive voices must be filtered and drowned out. We cannot thrive with harmful perspectives dominating our lives.
• We often need help identifying these voices. It can take time and support from trusted friends or even professionals to recognize skewed perspectives we’ve internalized.
• We must determine our standards. What kind of input helps my growth and health? What type of input hurts it? What behavior can I no longer tolerate?
• Opening up again takes courage. As Paul Young says, “Since our greatest wounds come from relationships, our greatest healing will too.”

3 Voices That Deserve Your Attention

1. Listen to voices that tell you the truth…the hard truths.

True friends tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Proverbs 27:6 puts it perfectly: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.”

If someone only tells you what you want to hear, they’re likely more of an enemy than a friend. They’re working against your good, not for it.

Consider the prophet Nathan’s confrontation with King David after his affair and subsequent cover-up, as described in 2 Samuel 12. Nathan risked his life to speak the truth that led to David’s repentance and restoration. The voices you need must be committed to you and want the best for you; therefore, they must be honest friends.

2. Listen to voices that have been where you want to go.

We all need mentors, sages, and guides. If you’re only spending time with peers at your exact stage of life or those younger than you, you’re limiting your growth potential. You need friendships with people who have more wisdom, experience, and even failure than you do.

The Apostle Paul exemplified this, mentoring young leaders like Timothy, John Mark, and Silas. He used his work as an opportunity to develop the next generation, even as he’d spent time with seasoned leaders like James and Peter after his conversion.

The era of having one mentor is over. We need mentors for multiple areas of our lives. You don’t need to know it all if your network is full of wise guides. Listen to their wisdom!

3. Listen to voices that build you up, not puff you up.

We need people who see potential in us that we can’t see ourselves—people who believe in us when all we see is weakness. However, remember that encouragement is not false praise or flattery.

When someone truly builds you up, they tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it, and even when you don’t believe it yourself. Many of us battle insecurity privately. We need voices that help us embrace truths we’re afraid to own.

Consider Barnabas! His name means “son of encouragement.” In Acts 4, he sold his field to help others, becoming known for affirming and recharging everyone around him. The world has many critics and cynics; seek out life-giving voices that remind you of what God says about you.​

 

Your Next Step

The people we choose to put around us—the voices we give the megaphone to—make the difference between thriving and struggling. They may determine whether our future involves success or implosion.

It’s time to evict destructive voices and empower healthy ones. You may need to unfollow some people, block others on your phone, and reach out to others to schedule more time together. 

If we are truly a reflection of the people whose influence is most significant in our lives, then choosing our inner circle becomes one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make.

Who do you need to give the megaphone to in your life?